


The Misadventures Of Reader And The Cast Of Black Butler.

by dibbledorkable



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Ciel is kind of an ass, F/M, Grell doesn't really like you... at first, It's not as romantic as it sounds, Multi, Reader is a strong independent woman, Sebastian is an ass, Undertaker takes a liking to you though ;), clickbait cancer, or human child, or reaper, reader doesn't end up with anyone, she don't need no demon, two chapters and two chapters only
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-28
Updated: 2016-06-28
Packaged: 2018-07-18 19:14:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7326937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dibbledorkable/pseuds/dibbledorkable
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Proceed with caution, for this story will include the content that has been driven from the depths that is my shrivelled, loony ass brain. Do not attempt to take any of this seriously, it will result in collateral damage to your soul. Contains the breaking of the fourth wall (per the norm) and a teeny tiny little bit of profanity, sorry I can’t help it. I'm Australian, it's kind of what I do.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Hide and Seek

**Author's Note:**

> Just a quick note,
> 
> I made this first chapter a long time ago, way back in 2014 to be exact, so the quality of this chapter may not be my best work...  
> But I can't be bothered changing it, so take it or leave it.  
> Second chapter is little more recent.

Dear diary: today I reminded myself why I don’t like hide and seek, with a little help from some… unusual people.  
  
It was just another normal morning in the prestigious Phantomhive Household: everything was so peaceful, the sun was up and shining like the star that it is, the birds were chirping, you, Sebastian and Ciel were absentmindedly roaming the halls, Grell was jumping through the window…  
  
wait what.  
  
“OHHHH BASSSSSYYY~” the redhead hollered excitingly, landing ‘gracefully’ on the carpet and making a straight beeline for the demon in question, arms open, ready for an embrace that would never come. Sebastian simply ducked, making Grell fly over him and crash to the ground face first. Now, you have only heard of Grell through the tales Ciel told, so you had no idea what to expect when he just got right back up like nothing ever happened, trying to grab hold of the demon man once again and failing. “What the hell are you doing in my house? And shouldn’t you be killing something?” Ciel asked bluntly, seriously just not caring and wanting him to get the hell out. “it’s a very slow day today, I only have one soul to reap” The reaper declared plainly, looking down at a book he now had in his hand. Has that book always been there? Did he pull it out of his butt or something? "The soul isn’t scheduled to die until tonight, which means I get to spend the whole day with dear, sweet, bassy~” Grell mused, hugging himself and wriggling around in a suggestive manner.“But didn’t we see you just yesterday?” Ciel asked again, getting even more irritated; pinching the bridge of his nose in annoyance.“oh but you see, lovers can not be apart for so long, something a brat like you wouldn't understand.”“what did you call me?”  
  
Now you didn’t really want to interfere with the situation, because you knew it would get ugly quickly. So you started to back away from the pointless bickering, Sebastian quickly taking note of your discomfort. friggin demon  
  
“Young master, I hate to interject. But our guest seems to be uncomfortable” he acknowledged is his usual calm voice.   
gee thanks for putting me in the centre of this, damn demon man… thing.  
  
“oh?” Ceil and Grell asked in unison. “um… hi.” you had nothing else to say, so you thought you might be an awkward dork instead.   
“hey, thats not very nice Author-san”  
shut up, this is my story and i’ll do what I want with it.  
  
“Wait a minute bassy, who is this? When did she get here?” Grell questioned.  
you mean you only just noticed me?  
  
  
  
wow, i feel so loved.  
  
haha loner,   
  
author-san why u so mean?  
  
  
  
“This guest is none of your business, now get out” Ciel shouted, finally having enough of his stalling.   
“Must you be so cruel to me, I only wanted to play a game” the flamboyant manlady wailed, crashing to the floor in a sobbing mess.  
“wait. game?” you asked yourself.  
Like, what kind of game?  
Hopefully he doesn’t mean the perverts meaning of “game.”  
“oh god, I really don’t wanna play the perverts meaning of game”  
  
  
  
looks like someones gettin’ laid tonigh-  
  
STFU AUTHOR-SAN, YOU AREN’T HELPING.  
  
  
  
“Whatever do you mean by ‘game?’ ” Sebastian questionably asked.  
oh its nothing much, kind of like that game you were playing with that FUCKING NUN.  
“well, I had originally planned to play it with only you bassy, but I guess these two can come along as well”  
  
oh no  
oh.fucking.no  
I am not participating in ANYTHING with these three stooges.  
  
  
  
gon’ get lai…  
SHUT THE FUCK UP OR I SWEAR TO GOD- OR DEVIL… WHATEVER.  
  
  
  
“A game you say? will it be competitive?” Ciel asked, suddenly perking up with interest.  
why does this poor, innocent, fool like games so much?  
  
  
  
As you were trying to push the dirty thoughts out of your head, the three muskequeers *gets slapped* decided on a fair game that would benefit all (except you of course). A little game called: hide and seek.  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
How did I get roped into this?  
  
  
  
You were now outside the manor, being dragged along with your frail, little arms. Now, you didn’t know were Grell was taking all of you, but you knew it would be somewhere stupid. You tried to persist, but the redhead wasn’t having any of it, and before you knew it, all of you were in the middle of a secluded forest.  
  
"So, this will be our playing area. Sebastian, if anyone exits this place, take care of it. i will not have any cheating” Ciel ordered, turning to Sebastian. Wow, this guy is actually taking this seriously… serves me right for overestimating a little kid.  
“so, I believe there is a seeker in this ‘game,’ so who-“  
“oho~ pick me pick me, I want to be it” Grell so rudely interrupted.  
  
You, again, were not really paying attention to the three  ~~sexy~~  men, you were just in your own little dreamland, thinking about god knows what, probably hot secks.  
  
You were too busy thinking about god knows what (but we all know its hot secks) that you didn't notice a certain demon man walk up to you, “i’m very sorry about that gosh-darn ginger (Y/N), but it is best to just play along, then he might go away” Sebastian calmly announced earning a “not after I get a kiss” from that cray cray ginger (i don’t know, i’m running out of nicknames)  
  
“now come on now you two, hide already, I’ve already started counting” Grell (again) interrupted (I need to find another word instead of interrupted), covering his eyes and counting to himself. “I must leave you now, I wish you luck” Sebastian bowed in front of you (in your head: OMG OGM THE SEBASTIAN MICHAELIS IS BOWING BEFORE ME) before joining Ciel, “honestly, this game will be too easy, it is obvious that I will come out victorious” Ciel sniggered, turning around with the demon man at his heels.  
  
oh.no.he.didn’t (*SNAP SNAP SNAP SNAP*)  
that kid just disrespected you reader-chan, are you gonna take that?  
“o-of course not”   
then what are gonna do?  
“kick his ass?” you declared questionably, putting your arms up in a fighting stance.  
“yes, go kick some 13 year old ass for me, k?”  
You, cringing at author-san’s silliness, soon stated to depart. Trying to find a hiding spot.  
  
  


* * *

  
  
“Now, just where exactly do I hide?”  
You were now aimlessly wandering the forest, hoping to find somewhere decent to hide, however you didn’t really have any options.   
Now to your left you will see a charming display of trees, and to your right you can see more trees. And in-front of you… WOW LOOK AT THAT!! even more fucking trees. Trees as far as the eye could see, trees of different shapes and colours… thank you nature, for being so vast.  
  
Basically, in other words, you were lost.  
“I am not lost author-san” you whined, crossing your arms in disbelief.  
yes. Yes you are dear reader-chan. Say didn’t we pass that tree already.   
“you aren’t helping author-san” you breathed, clenching your teeth in annoyance.  
And besides, you haven’t even found a hiding spot yet.”  
“shut up! i’ll get to it” you yelled, having enough of the author’s put-downs.  
  
  
  
“I mean, it’s not like I could go and hide in a tree or anything…”  
  
wait a minute.  
  
  
  
Stopping in your tracks and facpalming over how stupid you’ve been, you initiated a new objective, try to find a suitable tree to hide in. After thorough inspection (of about 30 seconds), you find a tree with a little hide hole.   
  
“well, I guess in there will do. What do you think author-san?” You asked, gazing up at the goddess that is author-san’s conscious.   
“i’m not so sure. But you better hurry, Grell is done counting and is coming for yo ass”   
“wait, what?”  
Using your new found adrenaline, you hastily scaled the tree and into the hide hole (but not without slipping down a few times. I guess you didn’t want to be caught, or be beaten by a little kid)  
“whew, I should be safe in here” you huffed, taking a seat and wiping some excess sweat off your brow, your hands feeling numb from scraping the rough bark. But before you could figure out how long you would be staying in there, the sweet scent of tea filled your nose, and a little “ho ho ho” resinated through your ears.  
  
  
“oh, hey Tanaka”  
  
The little, old man in question was in his chibi form, sitting cross-legged and taking a tiny sip of his usual cup of tea, with the usual derpy look on his face.  
  
you laughed, “my, that tea smells delicious”  
Tanaka simply “ho ho ho’d” before handing the tea cup to you. you smiled in delight, “why thank you sir” you replied sincerely before grabbing the cup by two hands and taking a sip. “wow” you lit up in delight, “this is delicious” you declared before taking another sip, earning another “ho ho ho” You didn’t hesitate to chug down the entire cup of tea, (you greedy reader-chan, you) the little chibi making no move to stop your tyranny.  “oh um, sorry about drinking all your tea” you apologised, rubbing your head awkwardly.  
“Ho ho ho” was the only answer you received   
“is ‘ho ho ho’ all you’re going to say”  
“Ho ho ho”  
thought so.  
  
  
  
“hey, I almost forgot to ask, why are you here?” You questioned.   
“why, dear reader-chan, he’s here because of plot” a familiar voice resounded through the hollow.  
“When are you going to leave me alone, author-san? And what do you mean plot?”   
“he’s here for a distraction” Author-san declared. ignoring the first request.  
“distraction?” You raised your brow in question.  
  
“that’s right. Ive been distracting you, ya big turd blossom”  
  
As if on cue, a large whirring sound echoed through the distance, slowly getting closer to you (and your impending doom)   
“w-what the hell is that?!” you croaked, backing up against the wall, which was difficult considering the cramped space in the hide hole.  
  
Before author-san could answer your question, the whirring sound got even closer. Closer until it was directly underneath you, chipping away at the tree. That’s when the whole tree started to shake.  
“Uh-oh” you quivered, holding onto Tanaka for dear life, the old man simply “ho ho ho’d,” like he gave no fucks, but he probably didn’t. That man gives no fucks for nobody.   
“Wait a minute… It’s a whirring sound…and its cutting down the tree…” you pieced together the pieces of the mysterious puzzle…  
  
  
“you gotta be fucking kidding me, Grell”  
  
Vroom vroom, motherfucker.  
  
  
  
The tree finally started to timber (its goin’ down, i’m yelling TIMBER), bringing you and poor, little Tanaka down with it. You closed your eyes and held on tight, bracing for impact with the ground.   
The tree hit the ground with a smash, causing you and Tanaka to roll out of the hide hole.  
  
“Found you~” a voice that you honestly didn’t want to hear again perked up, holding a… OMG IS THAT A CHAINSAW, did he pull that out of his butt as well? He must store a lot of shitty stuff in there.   
  
You stood up, “Heh, I guess you found me. But may I ask… WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?” you screamed, pointing to the deathly efficient thing in his hand. “Finding you was taking too long, so I just took a little shortcut” Grell shrugged, “I had hoped to find bassy by now, that devil of a man really plays hard to get”  
you sighed “yes, i’m sure he does” and started to wander off.  
“Hey, where do you think you’re going?” the redhead ran up to you and stood infront of you, stopping you in your tracks.  
“I’m heading back to the manor. I lost, so there’s nothing more I can do here.” you yawned, trying to make your way around him. You have had enough of this stupid game.  
“But your supposed to tell me where the others are, it’s even stated in the rulebook” he pled, begging you to help with the search of “dear sweet bassy.”  
“what makes you think I know where they are?”   
“The least you could do is help me. Us girls are supposed to stick together” he fake sniffled, getting down on his knees and actually begging.  
You smirked, “really, well you look like the weirdest girl i’ve ever seen.”  
  
  
Ok, you probably shouldn’t have said that. (it was at this moment when {Name} {LastName} knew, she fucked up)   
  
  
Suddenly getting up and starting up his chainsaw, Grell whispered in a frightening tone, “what did you just say?”  
You backed up a little “n-now hold on, t-theres no need to resort to violence” you whimpered, putting your hands up defensively, like thats going to protect you.  
Grell said nothing, he- um I mean she simply trudged over to you, slowly raising her chainsaw.  
  
Oh god, somebody help me.  
You dun-goofed reader-chan.  
Don’t you think I already know that.  
  
Grell lunged at you, interrupting your mini fight with (the almighty) author-san. Luckily, you had dodged just in time, and started to get the hell out of here (but not without picking Tanaka up first, you didn’t want to leave him there).   
  
All of the commotion and screaming (from you, of course) drew out a certain butler and master from a nearby bush.  
“I guess the game’s over then” Ciel stated in a bored tone.   
“indeed it is young master. Would you like to return to the manor?” Sebastian asked.  
“yes. To be honest the game wasn’t as fun as I imagined” Ciel turned and started to walk off, the butler in tow.  
“would you like me to prepare some sweets for you, young master” the demon inquired.  
“yes” Ciel answered  
  
  
  
“NO WAIT, PLEASE DON’T LEAVE ME”  
  
“Ho ho ho”


	2. Babysitting?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's cliche as all hell, but it's good trust me.

Dear Diary... You know what? Fuck this, I don't need to diary to write down me feelings. I am a strong, independent woman who don't need to diary.

  
You were walking through the crowded street, the sweet smell of sweat and dirt from the homeless reaching your nose. You were in the downtown streets of England (or wherever Undertaker’s place is, I don’t know. All that I know is that it’s where all the homeless are) looking for a certain shop. You were on an errand for Ciel. However, Ciel didn’t specify exactly what he needed, he only said “just say “The Queen’s Watch Dog sent you,” he’ll take care of it’. Both him and the butler had originally planned to go, however a certain blonde arrived unexpectedly, and to everyone’s discomfort, she would not let go of the boy (apparently he had promised a tea and cake party, but you didn’t want to get all up in their grill). And after a quick argument, it was decided that you would be the one to go and Ciel would deal with that bleached bimbo (JK though, I love Lizzy).   
  
_‘god, I hate errands.’_  
  
After a few twists and turns (and coating your nose to rid of the stench), you finally made it to the shop. The whole street was surprisingly empty. “oh, why wasn’t it like this before? They should really have showers for the homeless…and clothes too” you sighed to yourself as your eyes found a butt naked, old woman slumped on the wall against the shop, shivering from the cold. You had noticed that it was quite chilly today, bringing your arms to your chest in an attempt to warm yourself up. Feeling bad for the old lady you went up to her and ripped up the bottom of your dress, got rid of your stockings and handed her some cash, “here, use this as a blanket and go buy yourself something to eat,” you said charitably; the woman, delighted, thanked your for your generosity. “There should be more people like you out in the world” she shivered out. You simply bowed and made your way back to the entrance of the shop. The shop itself was a regular two story building, just like the others in the street, however this particular house had a big sign saying “Undertaker” placed at the top of the door, the sign being coated in grey and shades of purple. There were little knick-knacks randomly sorted among the entrance, but you didn’t really pay attention to them.   
“Pretty dull, if you ask me” You retorted to yourself.  
  
Now, I know what you are thinking, how exactly did you survive that chainsaw encounter in the last chapter?   
well… you see… I can’t be bothered writing about it, so you come up with your own story. I CAN’T DO EVERYTHING FOR YOU.  
  
You still stood outside, a little hesitant to knock on the door. I mean, you weren’t stupid, you have heard the rumours that are spreading around this shop and the man who lives in it. According to ‘around the town’ gossip, the “Undertaker” of this shop has been in multiple accounts of voodoo and black magic experiments, and “easy manipulated” people should stay away at all costs. But rumours were rumours, you concluded; you still had to go in anyway, both Ciel and Sebastian will have your head if you disobeyed their orders. You would much rather deal with one creepy man than a demon and his master. You breathed in, mustered up the courage, and turned the doorknob…  
  
Quiet… like deathly quiet. Too quiet to be exact.  
You looked inside only to find complete silence. The opened door being the only evidence of light so the rest of the place was coated with black darkness. “Damn,” you muttered through tense, closed teeth. you couldn’t even see four meters in front of you; ‘what kind of system is this?’ Around yourself you could almost make out human-size boxes in the shape of coffins randomly strewn about the room…  
  
wait a minute… they  _were_  coffins.  
  
Feeling your eyes dilating and taking a ragged breath, you slowly pushed your hand away from the doorknob, letting it shut automatically, completely covering the rest of the light with complete darkness.   
“u-umm.. hello, would the one named Undertaker be around? I would like to discuss some matters with him… um, please?…” you called out to the shady unknown, hoping that a sweet, little cinnamon roll (like Keneki Ken) would answer back. Saying that: “there’s no need to be afraid, being a funeral director is only my cover-up job, I am actually a guardian angel that brings joy and happiness to the children of the world” and you two would go on fairytale adventures to save the princess of Cookie Kingdom and you’d live happily ever after.  
  
But then again, you never really got what you wanted…  
  
“hehehe, why so glum chum?” a very unfamiliar and VERY creepy voice resonated from behind you.  
And basically, saying that you jumped out of your skin was the biggest understatement ever created.  
You not only completely jumped out of your skin, but your skin was like: “fuck this shit i’m out” and took a plane to the Arctic circle, where it lived a happy life with Bob the polar bear. You on the other hand, stumbled back in fear, completely falling into an open casket (luckily it was empty) as if that coffin was made specially for you, just the thought of that sent shivers all throughout your body. The new voice chuckled deeply. “Hehe, if you wanted to be measured for a coffin so badly, you could’ve just asked” and you could faintly see a shaded silhouette in the blackness. “Um… y-you must be the Undertaker, m-my name is (Name), I am here in the place of the Earl Phantomhive”. You stuttered, trying to squeeze your way out of the coffin, but your buttock is like… too hella big bro. As that was happening, the silhouette stepped forward into your line of sight.   
This ‘Undertaker’ person was a lean man with long grey hair, a single braid noticeable within the locks. His hair was also hiding his eyes,  _‘mmm, wonder why?’_  
You also saw that he had extensive black nails and some scars across his face and neck. His attire consisted of a long, black robe and a lengthy, grey top hat. He also had a grey scarf strapped across his chest and across the hips.  
  
_He was… Odd, to say the least._  
  
“hehehe” the weird man laughed again, edging closer to you. Luckily, you were able to squeeze your way out of the coffin in time.    
“umm, so… S-shall we get to business” you cleared your throat anxiously, getting to your feet and backing away slowly (being careful to not slip into another coffin again)  
“yes yes, but before we get to what you need help with… There’s something I need help with” Undertaker hesitated, as if he was ashamed.   
“What would that be?” you questioned, tilting your head in curiosity.  
“well you see…” Undertaker paused, looking around the room, as if he were too bashful of what he would say next.  
“I have a little…problem” He finished, sneaking up to you.   
You backed away a little bit more, but you bumped into a small desk that was leaning against the wall, preventing you from moving.   
“what problem would that be?” you gulped, almost wishing author-san you come to your rescue.  
  
_Almost_  
  
“you see that little coffin over there? In the corner.” Undertaker pointed to the coffin in question. You followed his finger and walked over to the coffin.  
“This one?”   
“I wouldn’t get too close, dear. There’s living people in there.”  
  
You’ve never backed up so quickly in your life. (back dat ass up)  
  
“Living people!?”   
“mhmm” he hummed without a care in the world.  
“Why the hell would there be  _living_  people in a coffin?!” you asked again, flailing your arms about in a random motion to prove your point (cause you dramatic). “That is not the intended use!”  
“If you would just give me a second to let me explain,  _dear_.” He put his hands up, trying to calm you down.   
  
_‘wait a minute… a “dear?” so that’s his nickname for me. perfect’_  
  
“…alright” you put your hands down. “I’m all ears”  
“this morning I was tending to my “patients”  _*that made you cringe*_  when some dear friends of mine entered my shop. They were being their usual selves, although one of them was going on about someone insulting their “womanliness” or something like that. Anyway, a few days ago I came across this potion-like substance (cue Undertaker pulling out a random potion bottle out of nowhere) from one of my patients and I wanted to test it out on them.”  
_'gee, some friend you are.'_  
“So I sprinkled the potion on my specially made biscuits and offered it to them…”  
He paused  
“they took the bait and ate it…and…”  
“and…?” you leaned in.  
“the effects of the potion weren’t exactly… positive”  
“Whatever do you mean by that?”  
“…just look inside” he gestured to the coffin.  
  
You hesitantly made your way back to the coffin. I mean, who else would be frightened if you were told that the result of a failed experiment was lying inside a spoopy-ass looking coffin.   
You shuddered even more when the coffin started to make little shakes.  
“Wait, why do you need me? Can’t you just take care of them yourself?” you turned to face him.  
“You see, they aren’t exactly happy about the whole “experimenting on them” thing, that’s why they’re locked in there.” he replied, his usual tone of voice coming back. “Besides, I need to create an antidote” he pointed his forefinger in the air for added emphasis.  
_'ok, point taken.'_  
You knelt down to where the lock was on the coffin, seeing that it needed a key as a lock was placed firmly on the side.  
“umm… key please?” You reached your hand back, gesturing for the key.  
“oh right, almost forgot” Undertaker tapped his head absentmindedly and got the key from the table you were just leaning against.  
He placed the key onto your hand, and you reached it into the lock. It placed together with a satisfying click, and the rumbling of the coffin grew, you could just make out muffled voices from inside.  
You slowly turned the key, the lock suddenly popped off with a sudden snap.  
  
All you could see before the wind got knocked out of you was a blur of orange…  
  
The unidentified being let out a war cry, and pounced at whatever was in its way, that thing being you.  
You fell backwards with a yelp, and was pushed to the floor by the… um…  
  
kid?  
  
After your blurry vision subsided, your eyes were now focused on a child-like face facing you. It… _or he, I think it’s a he_ … wore pentagonal-shaped glasses that were way too big for someone like him, you found it quite cute. He had short, blond hair that was dyed black at the bottom half. It was also slicked to the side, creating a cowlick. He was wearing a long-sleeved pyjama top, which was also too big for him, it was so big it looked like he wasn’t wearing any pants (oh god, I really hope he’s wearing pants under that).  
“hmm? Your not Undertaker. Who are you?” the voice of the kid started in a rich cockney accent, but then added “hey, your kinda cute. Be a lot betta’ if I weren’t stuck in this body though.” His lips formed a smile. You didn’t really know what he was talking about until you realised the position you two were in…  
  
_What a little pervert_  
(they start off so young)  
  
“Who’s cute Ron?” A babyish but almost familiar voice resonated from the coffin.   
(So, we meet again Grell, mwahahahaha *shot*)  
The said woman (yeah, i’m not making that mistake again) peeked her head out of the coffin.   
_"hmm, she’s a lot younger than I remember, or is that just the effects of the potion"_  you thought. Instead of a tall, lean grown woman; there was a short, stubby child (my child). And instead of long, luxurious, crimson locks, her hair was short and untamed, so untamed it was almost spiky. She was also dressed in a frilly, childish gown (of course, with hints of red), and in her hands was a plush, almost voodoo-like Sebastian figurine that she most likely made herself.   
“Hey! it’s you” Grell pointed her forefinger to you, her face showing hints of displeasure with a tinge of shock.  
“You know this woman?” The one named ‘Ron’ asked, twisting his head to face her (while still on top of you).  
“Yeah, she’s the jerk who called me a weird looking girl in the last chapter” she climbed her way out of the coffin (like how a baby would climb out of a cot), which was a difficult task considering the state she was in. Despite her efforts, she still fell to the floor with a huff.   
Standing up, the child (my chil— *shot again*) ran over to you with the second battle cry you’ve heard today and started to hit you. But her efforts were in vain, as you all know a punch from a little kid isn’t going to do much.  
  
(Grell used punch,  
it was not very effective)  
  
“Come on now Grell, don’t exert yourself,” you tried to reason with her, but it seems that your efforts were in vain this time as she only hit harder. You attempted to stop her with your physical strength (if you even have it) but the weight on your chest (curtesy of Ronald) made it difficult.  
“Undertaker! Can you help me?” You called out to the reason you were in this mess, but the only answer was silence. You tuned your head (which was quite difficult considering the situation) to find no trace of the man, and a distant slam of a door that resonated from upstairs.   
  
_‘so, he up and left me, perfect’_  
  
“Undertaker you get back here right now and help me get these two little devils off!” you ordered loudly, but was only replied with a muffled: “antidote (Name), antidote”  
You sighed, “well, what the hell am I supposed to do with… these?” You gestured to the two children, who were still both on top of you (Ronald) and hitting you (Grell).  
“Just keep them busy for a while,” you heard him call again “and might I add, I never expected such profanity to come out of  _your_ mouth, dear”   
_‘and there he goes with that silly nickname again’_  
  
You have had quite enough of this quarrelling, but it seems that another person was thinking the same thing.  
“Honestly…” a childlike but serious voice echoed through the shop, causing the punches from Grell and the yells from Ronald to stop almost instantaneously. Yet another head popped out of the coffin. This one looked a little more professional, his black hair was sleek and slicked back, like he put a whole bottle of gel upon it. His glasses were rectangle shaped, which had four decorative lines on each arm of the frames. His attire consisted of a traditional stripped outfit, made for sleeping. He had a stern and sharp look on his face.   
’hopefully, he will have half a brain to stop this discordance’  
“How long are you two planning on drawing this out, can’t you see you are making her uncomfortable”  
‘well, at least  _he_  has some common sense’  
“But Will—“ both Ronald and Grell whined.  
“I want no buts out of either of you” the one named “Will” interrupted harshly, causing them both to flinch, “especially out of you, Grell. I expected more.” That made the girl in question stumble back. “B-but, I…” she put her balled up hands to her face started to tear up (the poor little baby child). Ronald also got off you, but not before giving your cheek a little peck, “H-hey!” You squealed in shock, sinking yourself into the floor in embarrassment.  
“The one named Will” simply propped up his glasses and sighed, while standing up and hurdling over the side of the coffin and striding over to where you were. “Greetings, my name is William T. Spears” he bowed to you, “I do hope that these two didn’t give you too much trouble.”  
You sat up briskly, scratching the back of your head, “its fine, they aren’t so bad. I’ve had worse anyway,” you reassured, causing the three to stare in disbelief. Both Ronald and Grell have been nothing but rude to you, but you could never get mad at them, that was just the kind of person you were (and besides, they were just kids after all… mostly).  
William hesitated, taken back by your kindness, “umm… anyway, I believe you are aware of our situation,” he got closer to you, still looking as serious as ever.  
“The whole “being kids” thing? yeah I think i’ve got that down-pat”   
Ronald wailed in the background, “I don’t wanna go through puberty again!” That earned a laugh from Grell, but all banter stopped once the piercing eyes of William stared them down.  
“Good” He began again, turning back to you, “then you will be able to aid us”  
You tilted you head in confusion, “what do you mean?” you asked, growing suspicious of his intentions.   
William was hesitant. He didn’t want to just use you like this, but his childish itches were starting to rise. He wanted more than anything to just wrap himself up in a blankie and enjoy some refreshing cookies and milk…   
_‘what am I thinking? get it together Will. You are am the head of the ministrative office, you're better than this foolishness.’_  
He composed himself before speaking, “now, even though we still have the minds of our older selves, we may have childish tendencies, which is where you come in” he added “I do request that you follow along, as our appetites for foolish endeavours are becoming harder to control.” he held his  little hand out to you, “now. If you please just follow these instructions—“  
“What do I look like? some kind of maid?” you stood up in an instant, aghast and a little insulted by his orders. You couldn’t tell, but Ronald was quite keen on seeing you in one of those lustful maid costumes that those French people made, just the thought made him drool, “u-umm… Ineedadrinki’llberightback” he announced before rushing to one of the rooms down the hallway.  
  
Damn he thirsty  
_‘W-what the heck, Author-san? when did you get here?_  
I’ve been here the whole time… in the shadows  
_‘I’m just going to ignore that’_  
  


* * *

  
  
After that little moment, and with a little persuasion, you hesitantly agreed to be their “mother” until Undertaker (or “old git” as Ronald likes to call him) creates an antidote. You still refused to wear a maid costume, much to a  _certain someone’s_  displeasure.   
  
_‘Well, if I am to be their mother/babysitter figure, then I shall be the best mother/babysitter figure of all time! I’m gonna cook them some sweet-ass bacon and eggs, read them stories, let them watch TV- oh wait, its only the 19th century, that might draw things back a bit… no matter, i’m still gonna be awesome.’_  
  
You herded the little ones on top of a closed coffin. (Hopefully not disrespecting whoever was inside, you just needed somewhere to place them. Organisation and everything.) “So…” you stride over to them, “I may be your carer for the day, but that doesn’t mean i’ll restrict you, you may do as you please, but that doesn’t mean you can burn down the shop.” ‘even though I kinda want you to’. I’ll ask Undertaker to use some kitchen utensils *if he even has them* so I can make you a snack.” You sauntered over to the bottom of the steps and called out to the man who was doing god knows what upstairs. “Say  _Undie_ , you wouldn’t mind if I borrow some cooking stuff to make the little angels some food?” You mused teasingly, enjoying the new nickname you gave him.  _‘Ha, that will show him.’_  
You heard a muffled, but also pleasured giggle from upstairs; “hehehe, of course  _sweetie_ , there are some pots and pans in the shelf and some mixtures in the pantry.”  _‘wait minute, did he just call me sweetie?’_  
  
Does he think this is a fucking game?! probably.  
  
Well, no matter. You wanted to bake up some kick ass turkish delights for the little ones. Why turkish delight? Cause English food sucks.   
‘Let's see, what do I need to bake a turkish delight… i’ll need some granulated sugar, some cornflour, a few teaspoons of rosewater, i’ll also need a whisk and a Bread knife. Now… how the fuck am I going to find all of that?’ You stepped over to the cabinets located in the far corner of the building, trying to locate the ingredients listed above. When reaching into one of the cabinets, you felt a sudden but warm embrace squeezing on your left leg. “I’m hungry” you heard Ronald whine and you followed your gaze down to him. Grell and William appeared not far behind and followed his actions, “i’m hungry too” Grell whined as well, a little more demanding. William simply nodded. “I know, i’m just trying to find some ingredients in these cabinets—  
“eeew, I don’t want anything that’s from that old git!” Ronald stuck his tongue out in disgust, the other two just grimaced. “Alright, i’ll just take you guys out and we can have something at one of the shops”  
you sighed; I mean, you couldn’t really blame them for acting like that, Undertaker  _was_  the one who ‘poisoned’ them with that mysterious potion.   
  


* * *

  
  
You stepped out of the shop with the three of them in tow, you figured not telling Undertaker wouldn’t even make a difference considering he was “trying to create an antidote” upstairs. You closed the door to the shop, but what you didn’t expect when you turned around was a demon, his master and the master’s fiancée standing right in front of you.   
  
. . . (name).exe is processing . . .  
  
“Ciel? Sebastian? Lady Elizabeth? what are guys doing—“  
“BASSY” Grell jumped for joy (quite literally) when she caught the eyes of the butler and was clinging to his leg almost instantly (it displeases the demon butler), and you swore you heard William mutter “damn demon.”   
“Wait Grell? is that you? Why is he like that (Name)?” Ciel questioned, a puzzled look etched across his face.  
  
“it’s a long story, like a  _really_  long story. Like if I were to write all of this down and make it into a story it would take up about 2 books… and 3 movies”  
  
“As to why we are here…” Sebastian chimed in, changing the subject; “you were taking quite a long time to return miss (Name), so we came here to check on you.” He gestured to the other two.   
“Oh thank goodness your not hurt” Elizabeth breathed a sigh of relief and sauntered closer to you, “that old creep didn’t do anything to you did he?” She analysed your clothing, double checking that there weren’t any bad changes or tears in it. “wait a minute, where’s your stockings? Did he take your stockings?! That big, old pervert!” She pulled you into a caring hug, squishing you but not too much to hurt you. You pushed her hands back, “don’t worry Lady Elizabeth, it’s fine, he didn't take my stockings, i just gave it to a poor lady down the street.” You reassured her, Ciel grimaced at the mention of the poor,  _stupid rich kid_. “Oh (Name) theres no need to be so formal, just call me Lizzy,” she smiled, placing your hands in hers for a second time.   
  
“So… Why are you with a bunch of kids” the three asked in unison.  
“That is classified information, filthy swine” William burst out in anger, clearly flustered.  
“Well, i’m just taking care of them because they were turned into babies by Undertaker” you spoke in a monotone voice, like you didn’t even care, which made William flinch,  _‘damn you (Name), I thought we were on the same side.’_  
“taking care of them?” They all asked in unison again.  
“urm yep. Well mom’s the word gotta go. Come on Grell.”  
“No, i’m not leaving bassy,” she huffed, turning away from you.  
“If you don’t come here right now i’m gonna have to drag you,” you warned, a dark aura surrounding you.  
Grell didn’t seem affected to your psychotic ambience, “you can try… but you’ll never catch me,” that was all you heard before she bolted in a random direction.  
“Hey! get back here right now  ~~and love me~~ ,” you shouted to the rapidly retreating figure, before picking up the other two (which earned a wide-eyed gasp from William and an almost nosebleed from Ronald) and taking off after him.  
  
“Wait, we aren’t finished with you, where are you going?” Ciel ask-shouted.  
“To hell, most likely”  
  


* * *

  
  
After a scooby-doo style chase scene, you finally caught up with Grell. You somehow managed to pick her up and place her between Ronald and William, “put me down right this instant you wretch!” she screamed bloody murder, blindly squirming in your hold. (she was trying to not make it obvious that in her “blind rage,” she was actually just trying to touch William’s kiddie crotch. (also, remind me never to say the phrase “Kiddie Crotch” ever again.)) “Alright, i’ll make a deal with you” you sighed, which caused the actions from Grell to cease ever so slightly. “I’m listening”   
“If you agree to do what I say and not try to kill me for the rest of the day, i’ll give you a candy bar.”  
“……..”  
“…*sigh* and i’ll give you Sebastian and William for a day”  
“It’s a deal!!!” She beamed, jumping out of your hold in pure happiness.  
“WHAT?” William bleated in disagreement, but his pleas were ignored.  
“Sebastian and William for a whole day!? Wow, your a much better dealer than that Phantomhive brat”   
“Of course I am. Actually, lets all go and get some candy, shall we?” You suggested gleefully, setting the other two down at your feet. William wasn’t very happy about dragging him into this “day with Grell” thing, which might explain the scowl on his face and the menacing aura surrounding him; whereas Ronald just had this humungous, derpy grin on his face. Unbeknownst to you, Ronald had been resting his head on your breast the entire time you held him; “*sigh* what a woman” he mumbled under his breath, swaying from side to side as if he were intoxicated (which he was, by your boobies). “Alright then” you clapped your hands together, “it’s decided, we shall get some candy” you declared. You raised your finger up in determination, the sun hitting you just were it ended to to make it dramatic. “Hey, don't I get a say in all of this?” William questioned monotonously.  
  
“nobody cares what you think, William!”  
  


* * *

  
  
You bought them some candy from the Funtom company (how ironic) for them, and decided to take them through a walk in a nearby forest, mostly because you didn’t really want to embarrass yourself in public with the three kids in tow. “ _hmm_ , who knew the Phantomhive brat would make such succulent candy” Grell mused, holding the sweet like it was her newborn baby. “I agree” Ronald chimed in, “my complements to the ‘chef’” he hollered, carelessly throwing the wrapper over his shoulder. Both you and William hummed in agreement, munching on the candy silently. You turned your gaze to the ‘big-ass’ trees (couldn’t resist adding that Attack on Titan reference) you were currently walking past. It kind of reminded you of your little “hide-and-seek fiasco” in the last chapter, it caused you to chuckle quietly.  
  
“umm, (Name)…” you heard Ronald whimper, before feeling a little tug on your dress. You turned his gaze to the little rustling in a nearby bush, you also noticed that William and Grell were hugging your leg as well, the term “fearful” was evident in their faces. You hummed in suspicion, before slowly making your way to the rustling bush. “Don’t go any closer” they all warned, “it might hurt you, miss (Name)” William warned, staying protectively at your side, which was quite effective, considering he was in a kid’s body.   
“Don’t worry guys, I’ve seen this cliché before” you reassured to the quivering children, getting down to their level. “It’s probably just a rabbit or something cute like that.”   
The rustling stopped, and just as you predicted, a fluffy, white rabbit emerged from its leafy home; sniffing around before looking at all of you with its big ol’ eyes.   
“See, what did I tell you. Nothing to worry abou—“ before you could finish your sentence, the rabbit suddenly pounced and attacked poor, old Grell with its little paws. “AHHHHHH, OH MY GOD GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF” Grell squealed, attempting to pry the savage rabbit off her. “Sutcliff senpai!” Ronald shouted in concern for his “senpai” and tried his best to pry the rabbit off her. You and William just stood in disbelief of what just happened, “I thought rabbits were supposed to be cute and cuddly.”   
  
After returning to your senses, you and William helped Ronald grip the ferocious rabbit and managed to get the rabbit off Grell, you tossed the rabbit in a random direction amidst the chaos. “Geez, what the hell was that for?” Grell asked angrily, a scowl evident on her scratch-filled face. Before you could answer, the rabbit came back, this time with a whole bunch of other woodland critters accompanying it.  _‘yeah, thats fair’_    
Creatures like squirrels, birds, badgers and even deer emerged from all directions of the forest, and they did not look happy. You stood up in front of the three muskequeers (yes, I am making that joke again) protectively.  
“What did we do to make them so hostile” you asked quickly, feeling yourself getting cold feet.  
“Maybe we trespassed in their territory” William looked up at you. His theory seemed to fit until…  
“umm…” Ronald started anxiously, “maybe it was because I threw that candy wrapper back there” he rubbed the back of his head in guiltiness.   
“you WHAT??” William and Grell yelled in unison, only to have the deer let out the third war cry you’ve heard today, as the rest of the animals started to charge.  
“Who cares, just run” you yelled, before skedaddling the opposite direction, the other three following not far behind.  
  
“Ronald, if we die… i’ll kill you”  
  


* * *

  
   
After dodging trees, bird swoops and deer bucks from behind (that’s what she said), you escaped out of the forest. But you guys didn’t stop there; you not only ran straight out, but made a beeline through the streets of London, ignoring the looks you got from onlookers, went down to downtown, and straight to Undertaker’s place. You and the three children skidded to a stop only to find yourselves back to where you started. After entering the shop briskly you slid down the door in exasperation, breath coming out in puffs, clearly worn out. All four of you were sprawled out on the floor. “Huh, we lived” Ronald cheered, throwing his hands up in hooray. “Yeah?” Grell propped her head up, “well your not going to be living very soon” Grell warned, before crawling on top of him, strangling his neck and thrashing him around.   
“Stop it you two!” You scolded, picking up the two brawling idiots and ripping them off each other. “But miss (Name)… It’s his fault” Grell whined, pointing her finger to Ronald, which earned a gasp and a whimper from the accused. “Hey, what happened was no ones fault, Ronald just didn’t know” you tried to reasoned with Grell, your motherly side coming back to you. “yeah, whatever. Just put me down already” Grell ordered with a bit of shakiness in her voice, looking away from you with a pout. “Grell…” you said her name again, a hint of sympathy evident in your words. You set both of them on the floor and kneeled down next to them.  
There was silence, until you heard a faint whimper from the redhead. You lightly turned her face to yours, only to find her sobbing, tears running down her face. “those mean animals tried to kill us, It was so scary” Grell chocked out, curling herself up and away from you, ‘I think those ‘childish tendencies’ are finally starting to kick in’    
“Sutcliff senpai” Ronald muttered, worried for his poor senpai. William remained silent, however the tiniest hint of concern was shown on his face.  
“It’s ok, Grell” you snuggled up to her, pulling her onto your lap; one arm around her waist, the other petting her head softly and slowly.  
“Those things can’t hurt you anymore, i’ll protect you. And Ronald. And William, I’ll protect all of you” you whispered to her, the hold on each other growing tighter, but not too much to hurt her.   
Grell remained hushed, but after a while she finally calmed down and nuzzled in your embrace.  
“Hey” Ronald whined “I want a hug… I-I’m scared too.”  
You opened one of your arms out to him “of course you can Ronnie, come here.”   
Ronald almost squealed at the nickname you gave him, but he thought better of it and just hugged you. Grell now rested on your left leg, while Ronald was on your right. You caught sight of William, who just stood to the side, you didn't want him to feel left out so you offered to join in the hug, but of course he refused.  
“I will not participate in such childish matters” he turned from all of you with a huff, nose raised like one of those rich snubs.   
“Come on  _Willie_ , if you come here I  _might_  revoke my deal with (Name)” Grell mused convincingly.  
That managed to get him to come over and sit in the middle of your lap, William wouldn't waste any opportunity to get out of his “day with grell,” but even you knew that he’s never going to get out of that no matter what he did.  
“Man, i’m tired” Ronald yawned, stretching his arms out and laying limp on your leg, his body leaning on your belly.  
“Alright, just let me get comfy” you laid down completely on the floor, it wasn’t the most comfortable place in the world, but you were too tired to care.  
You were also too tired to notice Ronald going and lying on your chest (and TOTALLY NOT using your breast as a pillow), Grell draping herself over your stomach while William laid next to you, not touching you exactly, but you did feel a small hand touch your waist. “Good-day” was the last words exchanged before you let your eyes close, drowsiness quickly taking over all four of you.   
  
This was a most interesting day, indeed.  
  
|||Extended Ending|||  
  
While all of you were sleeping, there was a tremendous explosion from upstairs, black smoke erupted from one of the doors. Undertaker emerged from the smoke, coughing violently and holding a new potion-like substance in his hand.  
After recovering he sprinted down the stairs, his shouts were almost shaking the whole shop. “(NAAAAAME) I GOT THE ANTIDO—“ Undertaker paused his fiasco when he caught sight of you and the three reaper babies snuggled together in a bundle on the floor, sleeping. He put his hands up to his mouth before a squee escaped his mouth. It was the cutest sight he had ever seen in his immortal life. If only it weren’t the 19th century, then he would take a wicked ass selfie of the experience.   
“well well well (Name), it sure has been an experience of a lifetime for you” he said to himself, before adding “but all good things must come to an end,” he held the antidote out “and your three “little ones” must return to normal now.” He dipped one drop from the essence into the little ones’ mouths, before returning upstairs.  
  
Around you, a blinding white light surrounded the two boys and girly boy girl (whatever). And well, lets just say they have a lot to explain to you when you wake up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you guys couldn't notice already I love the reapers.
> 
> (they're complete hunks if you ask me)
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> But seriously though, I do love Lizzy


End file.
